The Journey.

I often say that the early 20s are some of the most confusing years of a person's life. For me, it has been a constant state of struggling to figure out how to answer the question, “tell me about yourself” when meeting new people or interviewing for a job. Just when I think I have my identity figured out, I discover more about myself that I hadn’t understood before - sometimes that’s me processing the past or evolving into the adult version of “me”. As I find myself changing, I also grapple with the idea of losing the “old me” - how can this be possible? I am me, and that’s that. Attempting to understand your identity is complex.  A visual of me trying to figure out my identity (2017) Image courtesy Giphy What identifies us anyway? I have wrestled with this question time and time again. In the US, we often answer questions about ourselves with our profession or something we “do”. But, does this really identify us? I have always had a small issue with this concept of identification....

Last night I was looking at old photos on Facebook and I realized that there was this button that allowed me to see all of the photos from my old phones that I had uploaded to the app. I clicked on it and a few hours later was able to go through memory lane. A few hundred photos of moments that I had stored away and forgotten about allowed memories to come rushing in. Most of the photos were from my junior and senior year of high school. This time period was one of immense joy, but hard struggles. It was the beginning of a struggle to get along with my family, hard decisions regarding college, a few break-ups, and the usual teenage confusions. I often remember this time as the time period in which I took Christ more seriously and dared not to stray.  I thought I knew quite a bit when I was 17. Looking back at pictures, I don't think I knew anything. What a surprise! People often told me that I was "wise beyond my years," but praise the Lord that I didn't stop there....

My dearest Guatemala, There is nothing in this world that has captured my heart and captivated my thoughts quite like you have. From the moment I laid my eyes on your people and land, I was hooked. An irrevocable love and passion were instilled in my heart by our creator that would draw me closer to you. I have spent the last six years of my life with the underlying pursuit of one thing - to come back to you. The beauty of our relationship is that through my time spent in your land, I feel more full. I feel as if the Lord, the one who handcrafted both of our existence, uses your people to remind me that He is good. A concept that may sound odd, but makes perfect sense to me as it is something I have experienced time and time again. This enthralling experience that is inexplicable leaves an insatiable taste in my mouth for more. As the months of distance pass between us, I long to be near again. In a few short weeks, I hope to return. I hope to embrace the people who have grown in a ...

I really wish that the people who were passionate about "pro-life" were just as passionate about Syrian lives. Others: "...but I voted for him because I am pro-life." Me: "Well, I did not vote for him for the same reason."  Getty images If you voted for a man who plans to suspend the Syrian refugee program but post absurd Facebook posts about the #womansmarch not being aligned with the Pro-life agenda, please know that your argument is invalid to many. A life is a life, you get to choose which one you're standing for.  and if you're confused about the refugee program plans that the new president has:  http://www.npr.org/sections/parallels/2016/11/15/502010346/for-refugees-and-advocates-an-anxious-wait-for-clarity-on-trumps-policy

I just finished a book and I was reminded of how throughout history humans have made it. Through struggle and chaos, we only become stronger.  “And it occurred to me that something remarkable had happened here. The very predicament they had found themselves in, the very chaos engulfing them, had given them purpose, a reason to live. Every day for the past eight years they had woken up to plot and plan their survival, and yet, instead of being crushed by this struggle, beaten down, they had been buoyed by it. In fighting back, they had found a rare energy, passion, and lust for life that had kept them young, active and alive.” -The Last Resort: A Memoir of Zimbabwe, Douglas Rogers What an interesting thing it is to be human. To be pushed to our limits and find purpose in that intensity. 

An actual MRI photo of my cerebrum at its' current state.  Sarah Kay, a famous poet known for her spoken word, suggests doing an exercise when you feel a little lost in the heaviness of life. She says to write down "three things that I know to be true" in order to be guided back to reality a little bit. This is an exercise she uses for poetry students in order to get their creative juices cranking and to show how these three things can show a commonality throughout the human race. No matter what you write or feel, most of the time we can trust that someone can relate to at least a few.  So, I am nearing the end of my junior year of college. That means one and a half more years until I am officially a college graduate with a bachelor's degree with my bright eyes looking toward a medical school. This thought fills my bones with anxiety and a shivering fear of the unknown, yet a weird sense of excitement. As I walk through my day-to-day life, my overly emotional s...

Originally written in 2016 in some melancholic state of mind   In the deep water is where my heart lies. Where the mixture of tears and sadness collide. There is a touch of madness along the great abyss. Is it you that I need, or is was it this all along? I can't do this alone, take this great test. Is fate what we want or the grand plan? Whichever way we swing, someone feels pain. But, is this really all for some gain?

Me.  Today, I turned 20 (or yesterday in the USA). I was going to post a cute picture where I looked a little more put together than this, but I realized that this is me. My cousin took this picture of me looking spectacular this morning. Throughout the day, my mind took me back to this silly picture of myself. I am choosing to post this picture instead of a cute basic selfie because it shows how much of a mess I am. Today I turned 20 and this year has been filled with learning about me. I have read so many articles, memes and blogs about "loving yourself" and many times scoffed at them because I had always thought that wasn't allowed. But now, I think that it is essential. I think to know yourself is to know your worth. Now I am thankful for the hundreds of breakdowns I have had in the passed few years that have taught me who I am. Here's a few things that I have learned about being me. I am emotional. Literally one of the biggest cry babies you'll eve...

Dear love, This may be a day that many men laugh and joke, "Why isn't there an international men's day?" However, this day has just filled my thoughts of you. My thoughts are directed to a picture of you riding a bike and laughing. This day reminds me of how strong you are and how as a girl, you might be told otherwise. As your "mama," I want to let you know that you are strong, powerful and courageous. As a woman, I want to tell you that you are capable of anything you put your mind to and as both, I want to say that you are capable, strong and courageous because God made you just that way. Although we may live in different worlds, I know that the sad truth of inequality exists in both places. Women are looked at as inferior and men as the heroes. Women often make less in the same professions as men and they are often expected to do things that men are "too manly" to do. We are called fragile and weak, but love, we are so much more. As a girl,...

I am lying awake in a less than comfy bed in a hostal outside the Guatemala airport awaiting a flight in 12 hours that will take me back to the comfort of home. I have spent two weeks in a place that my heart desires 90% of the time and a place that I spend a good chunk of time scrolling through pictures in effort to capture every moment and never forget what this place has done to me. These two weeks have been unlike any other trip I have taken here. Being only 18 (almost 19, in 2 weeks...yay!), I led my first mission trip with a team of 4 to the beautiful Guatemala. This trip has stretched me in ways I have never been stretched. It's a weird thing being semi-in charge as a young person. It's also really frightening. The weeks and months leading up to this trip I prayed that whatever would happen, would be God's will. That if I were to even fall off a cliff, that would be his plan (None of us did, thank God.) I think that is exactly how this trip went and I must rest in t...

"I just want you wreck me this month. Tear me apart limb by limb until I get it. Wreck me so I have no other desire apart from you." The above quote is a little snip-it from a journal entry I wrote on January 3rd, 2015. Here's the deal. I enjoy being real. I am not a fan of sugar coating or beating around the bush. I don't enjoy doing this with people in my life and I especially do not like doing it with Jesus. After all, He is my absolute best friend and my daddy. He is all I have ever known. I cannot afford to sugar coat with him, so our conversations include many things. Sometimes they include tears and screaming, cussing in frustration, laughter from joy and the occasional phrase that I love, which is: "Let's kick Satan in the balls today." As much as I enjoy being super real with Jesus, I don't think I was 100 percent real with him until this January, when I felt like my world was crashing down. I did not know what else to pray. I am aware ...

Here are some short journal entries that I wrote down in Haiti, there's more to come fore sure. Haití day 1 March 14th, 2015 Riding the bus to mission of hope we passed a boy digging through the trash, I'm guessing for food. Ignorance is bliss but knowledge gives you the passion and drive to do something about it. Day 2 March 15th, 2015 Prezens ou se syel a pou mwen Church. Jesus is so cool. How blessed am I to be able to sing the same song in two different languages in the next weeks. Day 4 March 17th Today as a team we planted lemon trees throughout the village of laveque. This was something I didn't think would mean much but in all honesty it's providing food, shade and possibly money to a family , which is so cool to me. I am so thankful I am privileged enough to be a part of this. Jesus is changing my life so much. I see more and more of my passion and drive in life coming out and taking root in my heart. Today is the day I really started to feel confident ...

I can't even explain how random this may be but, when you're in love.. random is kind of a second language. I am in love. I am so incredibly blessed to be in love with someone who makes the sun shine a little brighter on gloomy days and knows how to make me laugh when absolutely nothing seems funny. This guy, he is really something special. He takes care of me when I am in the deepest of sorrows and smiles with me when everything is right in the world. It's been a few years since I first met him and we have definitely had our ups and downs, our relationships that can't really be labeled successful, our laughs and our tears but now, being in a real and serious relationship with him, I realize that our past regardless of how stressful and painful it may have been, was so worth it. When I say this man is special it's an understatement. I can think of hundreds of times years ago when he would share his dream of changing his country with me, his love for Christ and...