The Journey.

I hate obituaries. One of my family members was probably required to write a 300 word or less essay about someone who lived 53 wonderful years. How in the heck is that supposed to do any justice? How is a name on a tombstone supposed to represent a life that touched all of our hearts? How is any of this supposed to bring closure? I don’t believe it does. I don’t want to see my papa in a coffin for the last time, instead I want to remember him from the night before, as he put his arm around my shoulder and listened to me talk about my future and dreams, here in Guatemala, with wide open eyes and know that he is so proud. I don’t know if we ever find true closure until we are in heaven alongside Jesus, our true source of peace and the loved one that we lost. If I could rewrite his obituary, to gain some kind of a distant closure, I would put it like this: Thomas Miller, a man that left a legacy of laughter. Oh trust me, this man had his days. He had his crazy teenage days th...

I'm sitting at my gate in the Detroit airport and it still hasn't hit me that I will be spending 26 whole days in the country that I love with the people I love even more. This is the life. Sometimes in prayer and just contemplating life, I get lost in the question of why. Why me? Why am I allowed to do this? Surely, I am so not worthy of this. I make the dumbest mistakes, talk back to my parents, have had a  few too many boyfriends, swear like a trucker occasionally yet He chose me. It's all in the scandal of grace, I suppose. Praise God for that scandal. I can't wait to step of of that plane, arrive at my destination and breathe in the air that my lungs long for all year round. I can't wait to walk into the orphanage and hug the little children that my mind daydreams of from the time I wake to the time I sleep. This is a privilege. This is a gift.  Why me?  I don't know, because Jesus is freaking wonderful and I love to say "yes". It is not bec...

***Late Post*** Jesus takes my breath away.  I have been awful at blogging so far as tomorrow is my last day at Canica but boy has it been great. This year seems kind of different. It feels like I am visiting home. This feeling is absolutely wonderful to me and I wouldn't trade it for the world. I have spent so much time loving the kids of Canica and my heart is so full. We have been doing lots of activities with the kids like tie dye, coloring, bracelets, music lessons and much more and tomorrow hopefully we get to do this skit called the "Dream Wall". The dream wall is a place all the kids write what they would like to be on a big piece of paper and hang it somewhere they see everyday as a reminder. These children are the future of Guatemala and they need to know this daily. They may have stories that are wilder than any typical American can understand but they have strength and power. They have the power to change the future of San Marcos. I feel so blessed that I ...

***Late Post*** I got back from Guatemala a week and one day ago now and if I told you that Jesus hasn't worked in my heart then I would be telling a huge lie. The week I spent in Guatemala was absolutely wonderful.  I got to spend time with the people who have stolen my heart and I now call my family. I got to finally hug the kids that I day dream of all day, laugh with one of my greatest friends Iris and talk with the missionaries who are some of the people I look up to the most. Just being in the presence of these people brings great joy to my life. There are so many things that God is doing in that place and it is such a privilege to be able to see those things first hand rather than just through stories. This year I got to meet a few new kids and give a little more of my heart away. I got to cuddle with some of my favorite girls who are now getting to be teenagers and it is so scary. Sometimes I look at these little girls as sisters and it gets just about as scary as watching...

I am currently in a car on the way to DTW, a place that I love to be at. I'm sitting next to my absolute best friend in the whole world and my "mission trip parents :)" and we are headed to get on a plane with 5 of my other family members. I also have successfully already eaten 3 breakfast burritos so, that's cool.  My heart cannot contain the excitement that is building up to be back in the place that my day dreams live and my heart resides!! I'm sitting in the car trying to remember how great it feels to be home and I can't fully remember. I remember the smells, the views, the big idea but I feel like so often I let the little things slip away from me. So as I concentrate on remembering the little things like what it feels like to hug my girls and laugh really hard with them I am so reminded of Jesus's love for me. HOW FREAKING COOL is it that I even have something to remember?! I am constantly floored with the realization of this blessed life I live b...

Life is so scary.  We can question why Jesus does the things that he does, all we want but really what is the answer we will typically get? If I had to guess it would be this "because my dear, I love you".  Sometimes I am overwhelmed with this truth. To be completely honest, sometimes I wish it weren't truth. But always, I am so thankful for this truth. My life isn't falling apart by any means, but I have been surrounded with so many people, emotions and new things that it feels like it isn't all that together. Change is something I have forever struggled with. Like I've stated in so many previous blogs, I have moved more times than I can count on two hands (I think it has been 14 times), been to about 5-6 different school districts and just really been shaken up throughout my life. Change hurts me. Change scares me. Change is something Jesus gives me. That is something that blows my mind. WHY. Is the question I ask. Why father, why do you give me things tha...

So, I am 12 days away from moving to Huntington, Indiana to attend HU on a full ride scholarship and I guess you could say that for the past few months I have been dreading getting closer to these days where I feel like goodbye is so close and I am pressured to pack all of my things because if not, it won't happen until the night before. I really have been such a chicken.  This past week Jesus has been dealing with this big chicken inside of me and basically reminding me that the fact of the matter is... -I have NO reason to be afraid. -It is OKAY to be kind of excited. -Jesus is already there, He goes before me and sets it all up. -There is a reason I am experiencing all this change.  I really am starting to be okay with it. Yes, when I am packing more and more and doing laundry 24/7 for the past two days (including making a bag full of the many clothes I have stolen from my best friend to give back to her) tears start to come to my eyes and I just want to stop, c...