The Journey.

Originally written in 2016 in some melancholic state of mind   In the deep water is where my heart lies. Where the mixture of tears and sadness collide. There is a touch of madness along the great abyss. Is it you that I need, or is was it this all along? I can't do this alone, take this great test. Is fate what we want or the grand plan? Whichever way we swing, someone feels pain. But, is this really all for some gain?

Me.  Today, I turned 20 (or yesterday in the USA). I was going to post a cute picture where I looked a little more put together than this, but I realized that this is me. My cousin took this picture of me looking spectacular this morning. Throughout the day, my mind took me back to this silly picture of myself. I am choosing to post this picture instead of a cute basic selfie because it shows how much of a mess I am. Today I turned 20 and this year has been filled with learning about me. I have read so many articles, memes and blogs about "loving yourself" and many times scoffed at them because I had always thought that wasn't allowed. But now, I think that it is essential. I think to know yourself is to know your worth. Now I am thankful for the hundreds of breakdowns I have had in the passed few years that have taught me who I am. Here's a few things that I have learned about being me. I am emotional. Literally one of the biggest cry babies you'll eve...

Dear love, This may be a day that many men laugh and joke, "Why isn't there an international men's day?" However, this day has just filled my thoughts of you. My thoughts are directed to a picture of you riding a bike and laughing. This day reminds me of how strong you are and how as a girl, you might be told otherwise. As your "mama," I want to let you know that you are strong, powerful and courageous. As a woman, I want to tell you that you are capable of anything you put your mind to and as both, I want to say that you are capable, strong and courageous because God made you just that way. Although we may live in different worlds, I know that the sad truth of inequality exists in both places. Women are looked at as inferior and men as the heroes. Women often make less in the same professions as men and they are often expected to do things that men are "too manly" to do. We are called fragile and weak, but love, we are so much more. As a girl,...

I am lying awake in a less than comfy bed in a hostal outside the Guatemala airport awaiting a flight in 12 hours that will take me back to the comfort of home. I have spent two weeks in a place that my heart desires 90% of the time and a place that I spend a good chunk of time scrolling through pictures in effort to capture every moment and never forget what this place has done to me. These two weeks have been unlike any other trip I have taken here. Being only 18 (almost 19, in 2 weeks...yay!), I led my first mission trip with a team of 4 to the beautiful Guatemala. This trip has stretched me in ways I have never been stretched. It's a weird thing being semi-in charge as a young person. It's also really frightening. The weeks and months leading up to this trip I prayed that whatever would happen, would be God's will. That if I were to even fall off a cliff, that would be his plan (None of us did, thank God.) I think that is exactly how this trip went and I must rest in t...

"I just want you wreck me this month. Tear me apart limb by limb until I get it. Wreck me so I have no other desire apart from you." The above quote is a little snip-it from a journal entry I wrote on January 3rd, 2015. Here's the deal. I enjoy being real. I am not a fan of sugar coating or beating around the bush. I don't enjoy doing this with people in my life and I especially do not like doing it with Jesus. After all, He is my absolute best friend and my daddy. He is all I have ever known. I cannot afford to sugar coat with him, so our conversations include many things. Sometimes they include tears and screaming, cussing in frustration, laughter from joy and the occasional phrase that I love, which is: "Let's kick Satan in the balls today." As much as I enjoy being super real with Jesus, I don't think I was 100 percent real with him until this January, when I felt like my world was crashing down. I did not know what else to pray. I am aware ...

Here are some short journal entries that I wrote down in Haiti, there's more to come fore sure. Haití day 1 March 14th, 2015 Riding the bus to mission of hope we passed a boy digging through the trash, I'm guessing for food. Ignorance is bliss but knowledge gives you the passion and drive to do something about it. Day 2 March 15th, 2015 Prezens ou se syel a pou mwen Church. Jesus is so cool. How blessed am I to be able to sing the same song in two different languages in the next weeks. Day 4 March 17th Today as a team we planted lemon trees throughout the village of laveque. This was something I didn't think would mean much but in all honesty it's providing food, shade and possibly money to a family , which is so cool to me. I am so thankful I am privileged enough to be a part of this. Jesus is changing my life so much. I see more and more of my passion and drive in life coming out and taking root in my heart. Today is the day I really started to feel confident ...

I can't even explain how random this may be but, when you're in love.. random is kind of a second language. I am in love. I am so incredibly blessed to be in love with someone who makes the sun shine a little brighter on gloomy days and knows how to make me laugh when absolutely nothing seems funny. This guy, he is really something special. He takes care of me when I am in the deepest of sorrows and smiles with me when everything is right in the world. It's been a few years since I first met him and we have definitely had our ups and downs, our relationships that can't really be labeled successful, our laughs and our tears but now, being in a real and serious relationship with him, I realize that our past regardless of how stressful and painful it may have been, was so worth it. When I say this man is special it's an understatement. I can think of hundreds of times years ago when he would share his dream of changing his country with me, his love for Christ and...