Guarded

There are some things that I will never ever understand. Particularly in my life right now things such as:
1. Why are some great, fabulous, wonderful and dare I say 'perfect' things placed into your life only to be moved away.. Or why do they have to leave?
2. Why do people not always mean what they say and if they do mean it why do humans second, third and fourth guess it?
3. Why does being vulnerable scare the absolute living day lights out of me?
I will probably never be able to come up with answers for questions like these. I will never know why the sky is blue either except the fact that, that is how my Daddy made it. 
The being vulnerable part is probably my biggest "problem" And somewhat sums up question 1 & 2. It scares me because of the things that have been placed before me in my past. My story with my real biological father, previous step father, any boy that I've let into my heart, even friendships that have just hurt, being bullied... All of it has so gracefully complied a need for a severely guarded heart. 
Proverbs 4:23 says "Above all else, Guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life"
With that being said I used to fight with myself on how much is too much? What does guarding your heart actually mean? 
I think that guarding your heart completely entitles you to give your heart to Jesus. 150% of your heart should lay in His hands. That is the ultimate guarding your heart. I've learned over the past 8-9 months that it's essential. 
So I guess when I think about how scary falling in love , talking to my real biological father, or even witnessing to strangers is.... I can fall back on the beautiful fact that my Daddy holds my heart, No man I love, not an earthly father or anyone besides God. 
As long as I allow God to do so, nothing can stop me. Now, I'm not saying nothing will hurt me because that would be a HUGE lie. I get hurt a lot, I get sad, & angry but I still know who holds my heart.  In that truth comes my inner most joy. The joy that makes my heart jump and face light up at the very sound of Jesus' name. 
I challenge anyone who actually reads my blog to join me as I keep my heart guarded but, I don't fear. Fear is SO stupid. It's straight from Satan and a thing of the world. 
1 Corinthians 2:12 is one of my favorite verses and it says "We have not the spirit of the world but the spirit who is from God, that we may understand what God has freely given us." 
That means that we don't have to fear! God freely gave us freedom. That's so exhilarating and refreshing to grasp. Freedom.  That's one of my favorite Spanish words "Libre" it means "I am free!" 
We are free today, tomorrow, yesterday. Embrace freedom.

 


And... Btw I'm still wishing I were back in Honduras.. Haha ☺


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