Alè

The past two days have been hard for me. It's the realization that I will be walking down the halls of a school filled with hurt teenagers and blaring bright lights everyday for the next nine months, possibly. Occasionally Jesus really gets ahold of my heart and makes me really sensitive to the world. That sentence is the only way I know how to describe the past two days. When people are mean, stupid, ignorant or just sinning it makes me cringe. Sometimes I wish I were like this emotional wreck all the times but I think it would be too much for me to bear. Being in this state of sensitivity brings me back home though. Well, mentally. I long to be with my savior. Okay, no I'm not saying I want to die but in a sense I wouldn't mind if just like Elijah I disappeared to be with my daddy. Another place I long for is the mission field. Specifically in Guatemala with "my hija" in Spanish hija means daughter. Really I would love to be anywhere proclaiming the gospel and helping others but, Alè has a very very special place in my heart. Last October while I was in Guatemala she clung to me. She had done this the year before also but this past year was different. She was my baby! I carried her everywhere. I did everything with her. I loved her. She apparently loved me as well and started calling me "mama". I didn't know at first how to react especially being 16 and a foreigner. She continued and persisted that I was in fact her mama and she was American. Seriously those big brown eyes and loving hugs pulled me in. Since then she has been "mi hija". I don't mind it either. We were inseparable. I felt horrible leaving her and seeing her tears on the playground on my last day. She knew I was leaving for another year to be in America. I had to basically convince her I was coming back. I don't think she believed any of it. God used Alè to show me once again my love and longing to be a mama to the mama-less. Ugh, I miss her so much. God is so good to give me that privilege. I don't know if in October she will still call me "mama" but I do know I am excited to see the one I love. Don't get me wrong.. I love all the babies but this one is special to me.  :) 
Such a sweet girl :) that smile melts my heart to pieces! 

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