Without You, I am nothing.
I have been trying to figure out a way to post about the recent changes in my life but couldn't do it.. so, I figured the best way is just to lay it all out.
I am not going to Oral Roberts anymore.
In the fall I will be attending Huntington University on a full ride scholarship. Which is an incredible blessing that I will forever be thankful for! It's a wonderful thing to not have my thoughts consumed with how I will pay for school. Jesus coordinated the whole thing for me in such a way that left me in awe of Him once again, possibly more so than I ever have been before. This was NOT in my plan. I did not want to go there, not even the smallest fraction of my heart desired it...until I felt that is where I needed to be.
It's a long story about how it all went down but basically, I turned down the offer to apply for the scholarship back in September then a week before the interviews I was laying in my bed spending some quality time with Jesus and there it was, the voice I didn't want to hear.
*I think so often we forget to listen when we spend time with Jesus. Spending time and listening is a dangerous thing. But, it can alter our life and change our hearts....so it's incredibly worth it.*
I heard Jesus. No, not an audible voice that came from a burning bush that beckoned me to take my sandals off but a small voice that pushed my heart in a direction that I didn't want. It was the voice that made me look at a scholarship that was past the deadline (by a good month or so) and see if I could get in aaaaaand Huntington invited me that day to come the following Thursday. This all went down before I had even applied to the university. That's basically how it went. The scholarship would give me the freedom to do what I want after college. I can move to Guatemala and spend time with my little girl there whom I miss more and more each day or travel the world, literally whatever I want. I was dead-set on not taking the scholarship. I wanted to go to ORU and nothing was changing my mind, until I was asked "How badly do you want to be a missionary and how much do you care about being one?" That question made me think a little more on it. With lots of confirmation from my family and friends I went to be interviewed then when they called me to tell me that I had a full ride scholarship I cried, sobbed, cried more and then sobbed a little more. The emotions that I felt that day followed by the confirmation from my uncle saying "Hey! I was praying for you today and I just really feel like ORU is not where you are supposed to be" is something that I will never understand. I don't understand why I received a gift like that from my Father, I also don't get why my plans never work out and I don't understand why I feel so sad sometimes when I think about not going to ORU.
I think along with my joy and freedom of having a full-ride scholarship to a school close to home comes sorrow of the fact that I can't go to the school that became the "school of my dreams".
-It's also the realization that some things will never happen or happen again.
-The realization that Jesus is totally in control of my life.
-and the realization that I cannot, for the life of me, depend on myself.
I try so hard to make it all happen by myself. I work extremely hard to fund my own things and control my own life but It. Does. Not. Work.
Occasionally Jesus just shouts at me and reminds me that without Him, I am absolutely nothing. I can do nothing, I can plan nothing, I can make nothing, it's just a bunch of nothing. I think this whole switcheroo of colleges and life plans has been an eye opening experience that makes me realize even more that I need Jesus. We all need Jesus very very badly. Doing it alone really sucks. It allows you to live in the hurt and pain that this world brings.
Jesus tells us in John 15:5 that He is the vine, we are the branches and apart from Him we can do nothing.
Seems legit to me.
This year is going to be a year of drawing close to Jesus at all times. I know how lonely I may feel the first few weeks of school and how stressed I may feel in the last weeks but in both circumstances, I will draw near. I want to do something with my life. Something big with the abilities and the love that Christ has given me and if I can do nothing apart from Him then the alternative will be to draw near at every chance I can get.
There ya have it, the story of my big change. It probably won't be too long until there's another crazy thing thrown my way...but, ever obstacle teaches a new way to crawl into Jesus' arms so, bring it on world. We'e ready.
I am not going to Oral Roberts anymore.
In the fall I will be attending Huntington University on a full ride scholarship. Which is an incredible blessing that I will forever be thankful for! It's a wonderful thing to not have my thoughts consumed with how I will pay for school. Jesus coordinated the whole thing for me in such a way that left me in awe of Him once again, possibly more so than I ever have been before. This was NOT in my plan. I did not want to go there, not even the smallest fraction of my heart desired it...until I felt that is where I needed to be.
It's a long story about how it all went down but basically, I turned down the offer to apply for the scholarship back in September then a week before the interviews I was laying in my bed spending some quality time with Jesus and there it was, the voice I didn't want to hear.
*I think so often we forget to listen when we spend time with Jesus. Spending time and listening is a dangerous thing. But, it can alter our life and change our hearts....so it's incredibly worth it.*
I heard Jesus. No, not an audible voice that came from a burning bush that beckoned me to take my sandals off but a small voice that pushed my heart in a direction that I didn't want. It was the voice that made me look at a scholarship that was past the deadline (by a good month or so) and see if I could get in aaaaaand Huntington invited me that day to come the following Thursday. This all went down before I had even applied to the university. That's basically how it went. The scholarship would give me the freedom to do what I want after college. I can move to Guatemala and spend time with my little girl there whom I miss more and more each day or travel the world, literally whatever I want. I was dead-set on not taking the scholarship. I wanted to go to ORU and nothing was changing my mind, until I was asked "How badly do you want to be a missionary and how much do you care about being one?" That question made me think a little more on it. With lots of confirmation from my family and friends I went to be interviewed then when they called me to tell me that I had a full ride scholarship I cried, sobbed, cried more and then sobbed a little more. The emotions that I felt that day followed by the confirmation from my uncle saying "Hey! I was praying for you today and I just really feel like ORU is not where you are supposed to be" is something that I will never understand. I don't understand why I received a gift like that from my Father, I also don't get why my plans never work out and I don't understand why I feel so sad sometimes when I think about not going to ORU.
I think along with my joy and freedom of having a full-ride scholarship to a school close to home comes sorrow of the fact that I can't go to the school that became the "school of my dreams".
-It's also the realization that some things will never happen or happen again.
-The realization that Jesus is totally in control of my life.
-and the realization that I cannot, for the life of me, depend on myself.
I try so hard to make it all happen by myself. I work extremely hard to fund my own things and control my own life but It. Does. Not. Work.
Occasionally Jesus just shouts at me and reminds me that without Him, I am absolutely nothing. I can do nothing, I can plan nothing, I can make nothing, it's just a bunch of nothing. I think this whole switcheroo of colleges and life plans has been an eye opening experience that makes me realize even more that I need Jesus. We all need Jesus very very badly. Doing it alone really sucks. It allows you to live in the hurt and pain that this world brings.
Jesus tells us in John 15:5 that He is the vine, we are the branches and apart from Him we can do nothing.
Seems legit to me.
This year is going to be a year of drawing close to Jesus at all times. I know how lonely I may feel the first few weeks of school and how stressed I may feel in the last weeks but in both circumstances, I will draw near. I want to do something with my life. Something big with the abilities and the love that Christ has given me and if I can do nothing apart from Him then the alternative will be to draw near at every chance I can get.
There ya have it, the story of my big change. It probably won't be too long until there's another crazy thing thrown my way...but, ever obstacle teaches a new way to crawl into Jesus' arms so, bring it on world. We'e ready.
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