A feeling of inadequacy.

I am lying awake in a less than comfy bed in a hostal outside the Guatemala airport awaiting a flight in 12 hours that will take me back to the comfort of home. I have spent two weeks in a place that my heart desires 90% of the time and a place that I spend a good chunk of time scrolling through pictures in effort to capture every moment and never forget what this place has done to me.
These two weeks have been unlike any other trip I have taken here. Being only 18 (almost 19, in 2 weeks...yay!), I led my first mission trip with a team of 4 to the beautiful Guatemala. This trip has stretched me in ways I have never been stretched. It's a weird thing being semi-in charge as a young person. It's also really frightening. The weeks and months leading up to this trip I prayed that whatever would happen, would be God's will. That if I were to even fall off a cliff, that would be his plan (None of us did, thank God.) I think that is exactly how this trip went and I must rest in this confidence.
We started off with the possibility of a 6 hour flight delay and that was the first test of patience. Jesus really rocked, as he tends to do, and we didn't have longer than an hour delay but still let me scramble for a minute trying to think of possible hotels and all that good stuff only to hop on a plane and get to GUA on time. Along the trip there were so many things that I just had to take a few seconds to myself and to Jesus to just simply breathe...because things happen and plans change. Sometimes, in Guatemala you can go 3 days without running water... then go to another town and go another 2 days. That's a part of the journey and regardless of how frustrating it may be sometimes, it makes you think... hey this could be worse.
I had some moments in the trip that I also felt inadequate. These moments can destroy a person. The moments of weakness when you fall down and think "maybe everyone is right, I am too young."  These are the very moments that I think God uses us to equip even more power into our souls. For me, these moments are my least favorite but at the same, while I am in tears and ready to lose it, Jesus uses someone to speak the words "you are enough" into my life and makes me repeat them over and over. These moments drift from being my least to my most favorite. These moments you find, that Satan is a liar and Jesus is the winner.
Along with the growth of patience and understanding that this trip has taught me, it has begun to fulfill one of my wildest dreams that Jesus has given me. From the moment I first stepped into this wild country in 2011, I knew I was wrecked and my biggest goal has been to share this sense of wrecked-ness with others. As I watched the girls that came along with me worship with the children, cry at their stories and pray over them, I realized that the cycle continues. The cycle of being destroyed for normal has continued and Jesus used me to facilitate that. I love that.
I am so thankful for what Jesus has done in my life and the lives of others during this time. I can only hope and pray that the time we spent here does not fade or grow distant in our minds but serves as a daily reminder of how small the world is and how big our God is.

P.s.
I want to say, that if you think you are too young to do something for the kingdom, that is a big fat lie. I also want to say that if you think you are too old to do something for the kingdom, that is a big fat lie. If you think you are too big of a sinner, that is a big fat lie.

If you think you are inadequate for the job of advancing the kingdom of God, that's a lie. You are enough and Jesus chose you. Go do something epic. Lead a mission trip before you turn 20, go on a mission trip before you turn 70, tell someone about Jesus before tomorrow ends. Just do something because doing nothing is the only way you can really be inadequate.