20.



Me. 



Today, I turned 20 (or yesterday in the USA). I was going to post a cute picture where I looked a little more put together than this, but I realized that this is me. My cousin took this picture of me looking spectacular this morning. Throughout the day, my mind took me back to this silly picture of myself. I am choosing to post this picture instead of a cute basic selfie because it shows how much of a mess I am. Today I turned 20 and this year has been filled with learning about me. I have read so many articles, memes and blogs about "loving yourself" and many times scoffed at them because I had always thought that wasn't allowed. But now, I think that it is essential. I think to know yourself is to know your worth. Now I am thankful for the hundreds of breakdowns I have had in the passed few years that have taught me who I am. Here's a few things that I have learned about being me.

I am emotional. Literally one of the biggest cry babies you'll ever meet. I am an introvert, but love the company of close friends and loved ones. I love being crazy (in the spurts of adrenaline that come in study breaks). I also love to study. I have this burning passion to be able to be a surgeon one day, regardless of how difficult it may be to get there. I love children, specifically my little brother and CANICA kids and they have a place win my heart that will never be replaced. I have a love for journalism that grows and grows each week that I get closer to my new job as an Editor-in-Chief. I also love being in charge (maybe a downfall, who knows yet?). I love my mom so much. I have learned that over and over.  I absolutely love and I love my family (the ones that Jesus gave me through blood and through relationships). I love missions, but am open to where God calls me to be. I have this new passion for the USA. I am proud to have been born there and I love grilled cheese and tomato soup. I don't like to be stressed out, but always find myself there. I also don't love dorm life... Which goes with the previous fact. Haha.

Those are just a fraction of the things that I have learned about myself in the last couple of years. But, most importantly I have learned that I am an utter mess and that's okay. I am learning that Jesus works best in the mess. He takes this mess that I am and that I have made and absolutely does HIS thing. He takes it and makes something cool out of it. I pray that I don't ever feel complete without Christ. I pray that I continue to be a mess, if that's what it takes for Jesus to move. I know that Jesus created me with all of those facts that I listed. I know that he loves me absolutely the way that I am. I am so excited that I get to spend my 20's with him.

Since I only get ten years to be in my 20's, I have thought about how I want to spend them. I was praying about it and I kept coming up with promises. So, I promise to make my 20's spectacular. During a run today while was praying/thinking about what I wanted to promise to myself one word kept ringing in my mind. Passionate. I was reminded of my Papa and how he lived and that's how I want to live my 20's. I promise to cry and cry hard because I am emotional, but I promise to do it passionately. When I sigh real hard on Sunday night study sessions because I think it's too hard, I promise to continue with passion. I promise to love passionately and try -almost- everything with passion. I promise to serve with passion and talk with passion. I don't want to live a dormant life that's filled with motions. I want to be fully Selina, the mess that Jesus knew was coming 20 years ago and I want to do it with passion. I won't stop being me today or tomorrow, if people don't like it... They can keep sipping the haterade because I promise to be Selina with passion. I promise to love Jesus with passion  and feel all the feels with passion.

 Get ready world because Ya girl turned 20....and I'm comin' for ya.

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