The Journey.

I am lying awake in a less than comfy bed in a hostal outside the Guatemala airport awaiting a flight in 12 hours that will take me back to the comfort of home. I have spent two weeks in a place that my heart desires 90% of the time and a place that I spend a good chunk of time scrolling through pictures in effort to capture every moment and never forget what this place has done to me. These two weeks have been unlike any other trip I have taken here. Being only 18 (almost 19, in 2 weeks...yay!), I led my first mission trip with a team of 4 to the beautiful Guatemala. This trip has stretched me in ways I have never been stretched. It's a weird thing being semi-in charge as a young person. It's also really frightening. The weeks and months leading up to this trip I prayed that whatever would happen, would be God's will. That if I were to even fall off a cliff, that would be his plan (None of us did, thank God.) I think that is exactly how this trip went and I must rest in t...

"I just want you wreck me this month. Tear me apart limb by limb until I get it. Wreck me so I have no other desire apart from you." The above quote is a little snip-it from a journal entry I wrote on January 3rd, 2015. Here's the deal. I enjoy being real. I am not a fan of sugar coating or beating around the bush. I don't enjoy doing this with people in my life and I especially do not like doing it with Jesus. After all, He is my absolute best friend and my daddy. He is all I have ever known. I cannot afford to sugar coat with him, so our conversations include many things. Sometimes they include tears and screaming, cussing in frustration, laughter from joy and the occasional phrase that I love, which is: "Let's kick Satan in the balls today." As much as I enjoy being super real with Jesus, I don't think I was 100 percent real with him until this January, when I felt like my world was crashing down. I did not know what else to pray. I am aware ...

Here are some short journal entries that I wrote down in Haiti, there's more to come fore sure. Haití day 1 March 14th, 2015 Riding the bus to mission of hope we passed a boy digging through the trash, I'm guessing for food. Ignorance is bliss but knowledge gives you the passion and drive to do something about it. Day 2 March 15th, 2015 Prezens ou se syel a pou mwen Church. Jesus is so cool. How blessed am I to be able to sing the same song in two different languages in the next weeks. Day 4 March 17th Today as a team we planted lemon trees throughout the village of laveque. This was something I didn't think would mean much but in all honesty it's providing food, shade and possibly money to a family , which is so cool to me. I am so thankful I am privileged enough to be a part of this. Jesus is changing my life so much. I see more and more of my passion and drive in life coming out and taking root in my heart. Today is the day I really started to feel confident ...

I can't even explain how random this may be but, when you're in love.. random is kind of a second language. I am in love. I am so incredibly blessed to be in love with someone who makes the sun shine a little brighter on gloomy days and knows how to make me laugh when absolutely nothing seems funny. This guy, he is really something special. He takes care of me when I am in the deepest of sorrows and smiles with me when everything is right in the world. It's been a few years since I first met him and we have definitely had our ups and downs, our relationships that can't really be labeled successful, our laughs and our tears but now, being in a real and serious relationship with him, I realize that our past regardless of how stressful and painful it may have been, was so worth it. When I say this man is special it's an understatement. I can think of hundreds of times years ago when he would share his dream of changing his country with me, his love for Christ and...

The thing I have noticed about my life the past few weeks is that it is constantly 24/7 filled with missing at least one person. I think the person I most frequently miss is my Papa, which is a no brainer, followed by (in no particular order) my grama, my family, the kids in CANICA, my best friend, my boyfriend, my puppy, even my fish...Yeah, I even miss Tough Lips (that's our fishes name). I am really tired of missing things. I found a book in the bookshelf of the spare bedroom at Grama and Papa's house titled something along the lines of: "Tell Me What It's Like To Be Big" It sucks. That's what I thought when I first picked it up. I know, super depressing that Selina thinks it sucks to be big... but that is just how I feel right now. Yes, it doesn't always suck and I will admit that. There are certain things I love about being big like, getting a paycheck on pay day, being able to travel the world, going to bingo with my family and so on. But, there ar...

Feelings I remember being nervous over a month ago about coming. I was nervous about being away from home, flying alone, being with a boy I like, being with the kids for so long, Jesus changing my life and most of all, I was nervous about coming back. Now that I am currently experiencing the last worry, I understand why that was my biggest one. I was so nervous about coming and now, the meat thought of stepping off the plane to rejoin my "normal" society makes me cry. I have been sucking all my tears in today and yesterday as I said goodbye to my beautiful kids at CANICA, the family that helped me get around here and last but not least my incredible boyfriend. It's been two days full of "goodbyes" and I know they are actually "see you soons" but that fact doesn't make these next few months easier.  I don't completely understand this past month yet. I am not sure if I will any time soon. All I know is that this has been the best month of my ...

 Week One                 Today marks the end of my first week here in San Marcos, Guatemala at CANICA. I can honestly say that up until Sunday of last week that I felt so lost. I felt like the only thing I knew about myself was my name and the fact that my trust is in the Lord but past that, I felt as if I knew nothing. Losing my papa has been the hardest thing I have ever gone through in my short life. I wouldn’t wish that my family and I have felt on my worst enemy. Not only did I lose my papa but through my decision to stay here in Guatemala, caused by difficulty to get to the city and gut-feeling, came some tension with some of my family. All this to say, being here in Guatemala while my family goes through the same pain that I have has been the hardest test of faith, endurance and strength that I have ever went through.             ...