The Journey.

I hate obituaries. One of my family members was probably required to write a 300 word or less essay about someone who lived 53 wonderful years. How in the heck is that supposed to do any justice? How is a name on a tombstone supposed to represent a life that touched all of our hearts? How is any of this supposed to bring closure? I don’t believe it does. I don’t want to see my papa in a coffin for the last time, instead I want to remember him from the night before, as he put his arm around my shoulder and listened to me talk about my future and dreams, here in Guatemala, with wide open eyes and know that he is so proud. I don’t know if we ever find true closure until we are in heaven alongside Jesus, our true source of peace and the loved one that we lost. If I could rewrite his obituary, to gain some kind of a distant closure, I would put it like this: Thomas Miller, a man that left a legacy of laughter. Oh trust me, this man had his days. He had his crazy teenage days th...

I'm sitting at my gate in the Detroit airport and it still hasn't hit me that I will be spending 26 whole days in the country that I love with the people I love even more. This is the life. Sometimes in prayer and just contemplating life, I get lost in the question of why. Why me? Why am I allowed to do this? Surely, I am so not worthy of this. I make the dumbest mistakes, talk back to my parents, have had a  few too many boyfriends, swear like a trucker occasionally yet He chose me. It's all in the scandal of grace, I suppose. Praise God for that scandal. I can't wait to step of of that plane, arrive at my destination and breathe in the air that my lungs long for all year round. I can't wait to walk into the orphanage and hug the little children that my mind daydreams of from the time I wake to the time I sleep. This is a privilege. This is a gift.  Why me?  I don't know, because Jesus is freaking wonderful and I love to say "yes". It is not bec...

***Late Post*** Jesus takes my breath away.  I have been awful at blogging so far as tomorrow is my last day at Canica but boy has it been great. This year seems kind of different. It feels like I am visiting home. This feeling is absolutely wonderful to me and I wouldn't trade it for the world. I have spent so much time loving the kids of Canica and my heart is so full. We have been doing lots of activities with the kids like tie dye, coloring, bracelets, music lessons and much more and tomorrow hopefully we get to do this skit called the "Dream Wall". The dream wall is a place all the kids write what they would like to be on a big piece of paper and hang it somewhere they see everyday as a reminder. These children are the future of Guatemala and they need to know this daily. They may have stories that are wilder than any typical American can understand but they have strength and power. They have the power to change the future of San Marcos. I feel so blessed that I ...

***Late Post*** I got back from Guatemala a week and one day ago now and if I told you that Jesus hasn't worked in my heart then I would be telling a huge lie. The week I spent in Guatemala was absolutely wonderful.  I got to spend time with the people who have stolen my heart and I now call my family. I got to finally hug the kids that I day dream of all day, laugh with one of my greatest friends Iris and talk with the missionaries who are some of the people I look up to the most. Just being in the presence of these people brings great joy to my life. There are so many things that God is doing in that place and it is such a privilege to be able to see those things first hand rather than just through stories. This year I got to meet a few new kids and give a little more of my heart away. I got to cuddle with some of my favorite girls who are now getting to be teenagers and it is so scary. Sometimes I look at these little girls as sisters and it gets just about as scary as watching...

I am currently in a car on the way to DTW, a place that I love to be at. I'm sitting next to my absolute best friend in the whole world and my "mission trip parents :)" and we are headed to get on a plane with 5 of my other family members. I also have successfully already eaten 3 breakfast burritos so, that's cool.  My heart cannot contain the excitement that is building up to be back in the place that my day dreams live and my heart resides!! I'm sitting in the car trying to remember how great it feels to be home and I can't fully remember. I remember the smells, the views, the big idea but I feel like so often I let the little things slip away from me. So as I concentrate on remembering the little things like what it feels like to hug my girls and laugh really hard with them I am so reminded of Jesus's love for me. HOW FREAKING COOL is it that I even have something to remember?! I am constantly floored with the realization of this blessed life I live b...

Life is so scary.  We can question why Jesus does the things that he does, all we want but really what is the answer we will typically get? If I had to guess it would be this "because my dear, I love you".  Sometimes I am overwhelmed with this truth. To be completely honest, sometimes I wish it weren't truth. But always, I am so thankful for this truth. My life isn't falling apart by any means, but I have been surrounded with so many people, emotions and new things that it feels like it isn't all that together. Change is something I have forever struggled with. Like I've stated in so many previous blogs, I have moved more times than I can count on two hands (I think it has been 14 times), been to about 5-6 different school districts and just really been shaken up throughout my life. Change hurts me. Change scares me. Change is something Jesus gives me. That is something that blows my mind. WHY. Is the question I ask. Why father, why do you give me things tha...

So, I am 12 days away from moving to Huntington, Indiana to attend HU on a full ride scholarship and I guess you could say that for the past few months I have been dreading getting closer to these days where I feel like goodbye is so close and I am pressured to pack all of my things because if not, it won't happen until the night before. I really have been such a chicken.  This past week Jesus has been dealing with this big chicken inside of me and basically reminding me that the fact of the matter is... -I have NO reason to be afraid. -It is OKAY to be kind of excited. -Jesus is already there, He goes before me and sets it all up. -There is a reason I am experiencing all this change.  I really am starting to be okay with it. Yes, when I am packing more and more and doing laundry 24/7 for the past two days (including making a bag full of the many clothes I have stolen from my best friend to give back to her) tears start to come to my eyes and I just want to stop, c...

As I have said before (many times) and will say again, this has been the hardest school year of my life. Yeah, my short life but none the less..my life. Senior year is hard. I think I am having a hard time right now because there is so much that I expected to be happening right now that isn't. I expected to be going to ORU mid-August, expected to be friends with certain people who I am no longer close with, and just expected some relationships to still be around. Life is such an odd thing. I expected these things to be there without a doubt. Yes, I had the "maybe Jesus will change things, and I will be okay with that" mentality but I also had the "I REALLY hope He doesn't" mentality as well. And.. it looks like I got more of the first assumption. So. Much. Change. Change has been something that I have feared almost my whole life. Those who know me very well know that I have moved over 10 times in my life, lived in two states, attended almost every schoo...

Preface to this post: I am in no way shape or form a theologian that has figured out the bible, I am just a 17 year old girl that sometimes just gets smacked in the face by the Word of God and desires more than anything to understand the heart of my Father.  This morning I rolled over as my alarm clock was blaring, hit the off button and grabbed my phone as many Americans do now. I opened my bible app because I had actually woke up on time and the verse of the day was this: Galatians 5:14 For the whole law is fulfilled in one word: "You shall love the neighbor as yourself." Awesome! I loved that word and felt so encouraged to begin my day so I clicked the convenient button that said "Read Whole Chapter" and what I didn't know was that I should have just put my seat belt on and prepared for a heart check from Jesus, aka "getting smacked in the face by the word of God" (this is a GREAT but TOUGH thing most times). As Galatians 5 goes on Paul begins...

I have been trying to figure out a way to post about the recent changes in my life but couldn't do it.. so, I figured the best way is just to lay it all out. I am not going to Oral Roberts anymore.  In the fall I will be attending Huntington University on a full ride scholarship. Which is an incredible blessing that I will forever be thankful for! It's a wonderful thing to not have my thoughts consumed with how I will pay for school. Jesus coordinated the whole thing for me in such a way that left me in awe of Him once again, possibly more so than I ever have been before. This was NOT in my plan. I did not want to go there, not even the smallest fraction of my heart desired it...until I felt that is where I needed to be.  It's a long story about how it all went down but basically, I turned down the offer to apply for the scholarship back in September then a week before the interviews I was laying in my bed spending some quality time with Jesus and there it was, the voice...

I think one of the most challenging things about being a senior is change. The inevitable topic that sends shivers down my spine. I find it so odd that I can travel across the world but when it comes to going to college and moving away from my mom the slightest thought makes me want to cry. Yes, there are definitely aspects that I can't wait to get away from. I.e my busy life, responsibilities, the occasional screaming at home however, when it comes down to it these things make me who I am and are a big part of my life. In the moment I have to wake up to start my busy day I may dread it but as soon as the day is over, I get kissies from my sweet brother and mom and lay down to cuddle with my precious old puppy I can't help but thank God for my crazy life that He has so gracefully given me. I love it. So, why does everything have to change? This week has given me so much time to think on this issue. After forcing myself to visit another college and do a scholarship interview, I ...

Recently at my church we had this gathering that goes on once a year called Holy Convocation. It's basically a gathering of believers who spend 27 hours seeking God and spending time in His presence. AKA my favorite time of year. It's definitely fun to just sit back, turn my phone off and worry about one thing for a moment, spending time with Daddy.  This year, I was able to stay for a few hours one of the days and just spent time reading Psalms. I was reading the ones that straight up praise the Lord. They're so great! One that I read that Jesus just pointed out to me and really made me think, pray and dwell on was Psalm 147:11. The Lord takes pleasure in those who fear Him, in those whose hope is in His steadfast love.  Wow.  As I read this all I could think of was Jesus standing before me asking me "Where is your hope, Selina?"  I think so often in this fast paced life it's all too easy to just say "Oh, absolutely. My hope is in the God."...