The Journey.

      2013 has been a great year. It also went by extremely fast! I can't believe we are hours away from a year that my friends and I have dreamed about since kindergarten. We would say "2014 is Soooooooo far away, can you believe we are graduating then? We have such a long time!" Boy, did time fly. I am SO excited for this new year because that does in fact mean that ya girl is graduating!       I know everyone says the quote "Last I never would have guessed where I would be now." and I really can't agree more with the popular opinion. My life has taken a complete 360. If you would have told me on January 1st, 2013 where I would be today I would probably laugh and tell you that it will never happen.         This year has been great though. As I look back on it, there really isn't anything I would take back. 2013 involved so many great people, so much tough pruning, lots and lot....and lots of laughter, smiles and butterflies and som...

    So to say this Christmas season was different would be one of the largest understatements of all time. This Christmas season was filled with just a little more stress, tears, and questions than I can ever remember. With one of the biggest storms we have seen in years, leaving so many without electricity even up until tonight and family stuff that drove me nuts, this year was definitely one to put down in the books.      But to say that it wasn't great would just be unfair and untruthful. Sometimes in the midst of emotions and stress with a little confusion thrown in; I forget how incredibly thankful I am for all the tough times. These past few weeks weren't the hardest ones I've ever experienced but, they definitely were not the easiest. I can honestly say that Jesus has used them to the fullest to break me down, teach me more and make me need him, desire him and fall in love with Him even more though. There are so many things that I hate to forget and try ...

One thing that I have to continue to tell myself this past month is that Jesus never fails. When our plans are destroyed, He uses that to give us an even better plan. A plan that isn't going to fail, won't be easy and will benefit us much more than the original one ever would. Jesus is so faithful in this. When we realize that He DOES know what He is doing things get so much better. I always have to remind myself of this. Daddy's got this.       This week has made me want to leave high school so badly. The drama and immaturity sometimes astonishes me. I just wish people would realize that in a few months, it's all over. We get a diploma and walk across that stage. After May 31st you might stay in contact with a couple people at the max but everything else fades away. It's so frustrating to stand around and watch people get so consumed in something that in a few months will be completely irrelevant. My biggest desire is just to leave something that wil...

Ever since some point in July, I've learned how to be vulnerable and actually be okay with the fact that love is good, pain is okay and it's okay to show your feelings sometimes. Definitely not something I've completely mastered outside of the walls of my house but hey! Everyday is a learning process. I've learned that life is so much better when you let yourself fall in love!  Fall in love with a person, people, pointless little things that make up your day, your bestest friend, and everything good. I've also fallen in love with slow dancing with my baby brother. Moments like that make me want to stop time and soak everything in. Jesus is so good and I am so blessed. So, today is a Taylor Swift kinda day! Because love is good. And it's okay to act like a complete girl sometimes. ;)  http://youtu.be/w1oM3kQpXRo   One of my favorite Taylor Swift songs recently. Loooove it :)  Oh, also... Catching Fire comes out on Friday. WOOOOO! 

Coming home from ORU this past week has made the future seem so much more real. I just filled out a form, like many other seniors to order graduation tickets, had a meeting with my guidance councilor to enroll in LCC next semester, and I'm realizing how precious everyday at Waverly High School actually is because I have... 6 1/2 months left. That is not a long time at all. So, basically life is moving. It is crazy. I am always busy with work, school and family. This all adds up to me thinking about the future and just scaring myself.  I get so excited sometimes when I think about next year. I think about having fun with my roommate, studying to help fix people, eating at chic-fil-a, and worshiping with a body of students that are passionate for The Lord. Then, after a few minutes of being happy and excited I get so scared. I think about the flip side of things. How hard my classes will be, how much I will miss my momma, how I won't be sleeping 1 ft away from my baby sister and ...

I just arrived home from Oral Roberts yesterday and wow, I must say...  I really love the place. I really really do. It's so scary though. The idea of packing my life up and moving 900 miles away from home is so frightening. It's going to be okay though.  I have been realizing as these last six months of school creep up on me that the lifestyle I desire so badly, calls me to give everything up.  Yes, I understand. Jesus calls everyone to do this.. But, it's becoming reality for me. Very recently I had to give up something that is and was so wonderful. For the sake of Christ. Whether that wonderful and great thing will happen again is not in my hands and I guess I am completely learning to be okay with that. I am sad and I wish there were something I could do about it but there isn't. The only thing that I can do is continue to push on. Continue to push onward to Jesus. This brings me to my favorite verse,   Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already a...

I guess it's about that time. The time where my heart aches, longs and breaks for Guatemala and my baby. I want to be there so bad. Not that I haven't for the past two weeks but there's a point where it gets real. I guess I realize that wow, I'm actually not there anymore. Super weird... I know. But here I am, missing my love like no other and thinking about my life, future and Gods plans. I would be a complete liar if I told you that I know what's going to happen with my life for the next few years. I mean I can tell you until I'm blue in the face what I would LOVE to do, what I think is going to happen or even what I'm praying will happen... But that isn't always how it works. I guess I'm just in complete surrender to whatever God wants me to do. As I sit here and think about Alejandra and the kids down at CANICA, I only want and truly desire one thing and that is to leave everything and anyone I've held onto and serve. But, (there it is.. The ...

On Friday I spent 2 hours of my morning combing a little girls head with a lice comb. Her head was infested with eggs and honestly, I would have done it 33 more times if need be. I loved doing that. It has to be a terrible state of living to constantly itch and scratch at your head. It is also an endless battle because with 34 kids, little treatment and lots of mattresses Canica is basically a paradise for lice. It's one of the things I pray about when I pray for my loves. That it would end. It's such a little thing but as I have learned and been reminded of recently, God cares about the little things too. I spent the rest of that day just loving my babies. It's what we are there for. One on one individual love is not something the kids get to receive everyday because of how many children are there versus the amount of staff. I don't mind at all being the mommy or sister that is so desperately needed. That's for sure. :) On Friday afternoon, we had beauty day. This ...

Today was amazing. It feels so good to be home. Really, I feel like people may think that is such a weird statement because I was born and raised in Michigan but really, I feel at home here. My heart is so full. I had a phenomenal day and I know tomorrow is going to be even better. I love it here, I love the people here, I love the mountains but there's one thing I can say I love in such a different way that I can't even begin to explain it. PREFACE: I am about to get super transparent. Brace yourself. Today I was reunited with my daughter. Nothing in the entire world could have made me happier. It may be super weird to some people that I call her that but I truthfully don't care one bit! haha. (transparent remember?) Really, I have said the story in my previous posts and it just continues. We first got to the orphanage at about 8:10 this morning. We spent the morning with the younger kids, who don't attend school yet and just loved on them. This is also the same ti...

Why me? I think this is a subject I truly will never ever wrap my mind around.  Here I am, once again, in the beautiful country of Guatemala on my fourth mission trip. I am privileged enough to do what my heart longs so much to do. This is wild to me.  I don't deserve any of this beauty. But my Daddy sure does know how to spoil me! I mean really, this is my third time to Guatemala. It now feels like I'm coming home to visit family. This year is so different too! I get to share this experience with my absolute best friend (or my alma gemela... If you will :))  I feel so blessed. My heart is overjoyed by my Dads love for His children. He cares! He cares about not only the big things but the little things as well! How cool is that?  I believe with all my heart that God is going to use this trip to kind of set things straight in my life. (Being in the transition from teenager to "young adult" is no easy one) I am so excited to see how He works this one out. How He uses m...

Give me faith is one of my favorite songs. It is such a great prayer. Give me faith to trust what you say. That you are good and your love is great. I don't know why the lyrics have never really meant that much to me until today when I actually listened instead of singing along in agreement. When I have weeks that just remind me how real Satan is and I feel tired, weary, mad at the world, emotional and just plain needy,  this needs to be my prayer. Give me faith to trust that you have it all under control. Give me faith to trust in your word. Give me faith to remember I am a daughter of the most high king. I seriously sat in awe today as I listened to that song. All too often I forget those things and go on with my daily life acting as if Jesus is a liar. I know what you're thinking. Woah, Selina that's too far. Blah, Blah, Blah. We all do it. It's the truth. We act as if His words aren't valid. When I feel down and out as if life is horrible and nothing ...

It is Monday. Typically I love Mondays but today was just exhausting. I'm coming to the realization that my life is extremely busy, on the go, non stop, hectic and just all together a lot. Today was a day that I wanted it to stop. This past week actually was kind of like that. Yes, I was happy but laying in my bed after a long day was basically my 24/7 desire. I've just had a lot on my mind, especially about school and college. So yesterday I came to the conclusion that I need to slow down. Stop allowing college to consume my thoughts and definitely stop pushing myself way too hard. Jesus has me in His hands. It's always good to be reminded of that from other brothers and sisters of Christ. It's even better when it comes straight from the creator. That's what tonight was for me. I spent my night watching videos from my first year in Guatemala. Oh how great it is to fall in love over and over again. I LOVE love and that is what my heart feels when I think of missions...

Today I read an article about an eight year old girl in Yemen who was married to a forty year old man who demanded his "marital rights" on the night of their wedding. This demand caused internal bleeding from a ruptured uterus and killed the girl. The article read on to talk about how the man justified his actions by saying "Muhammad had a 9 year old bride". No. It's not okay. This girl meant the world to Jesus. She was innocent. A baby. This is where my heart breaks in a million pieces. Stories like this make me remember why I was born, what my purpose is and how great the God I serve is.  We are so blessed in America. I hear all the time "why do you want to be a missionary?" "Why don't you stay here and help the people here?" "We need enough help here."... The list goes on. Yes, absolutely America has problems. There are very low income areas and hurting people but in reality, the poorest of us in America is richer than the ma...

The past two days have been hard for me. It's the realization that I will be walking down the halls of a school filled with hurt teenagers and blaring bright lights everyday for the next nine months, possibly. Occasionally Jesus really gets ahold of my heart and makes me really sensitive to the world. That sentence is the only way I know how to describe the past two days. When people are mean, stupid, ignorant or just sinning it makes me cringe. Sometimes I wish I were like this emotional wreck all the times but I think it would be too much for me to bear. Being in this state of sensitivity brings me back home though. Well, mentally. I long to be with my savior. Okay, no I'm not saying I want to die but in a sense I wouldn't mind if just like Elijah I disappeared to be with my daddy. Another place I long for is the mission field. Specifically in Guatemala with "my hija" in Spanish hija means daughter. Really I would love to be anywhere proclaiming the gospel and h...

To sum this summer up in a measly blog post would  not begin to touch the impact these last few months have had on my heart. I think it is safe to say that God completely changed my life this summer. Completely is a big word, yes. I think in the beginning of June I didn't know what to expect. I was finishing the hardest year of high school and was not doing so fabulous. I knew that I had three "Vacations" in store for the summer but, in all honesty I didn't know how my heart would be after all of them. I learned so much this summer. Here's a few key things that I can honestly say God reminded/taught me this summer: 1. God is GOOD. He is always good. There is no bad part of Him. He is always the provider and He always loves. This summer I found His love once again. His perfect never failing love surrounded me as I was away from home, in a foreign country and especially in these last few weeks where I just don't know what the next step will be. If you haven...

I really don't even know how to express what has gone on in my life over the past four weeks. Since I have been home from Honduras so many things have changed for me. Life seemed to have thrown itself into fast forward mode and is just now slowing down so I can attempt to breathe and understand what is happening. I have learned a whole lot and I can say with all honesty this has been one of the weirdest, best, awkward, exciting, frustrating and challenging months I have experienced in quite some time. I am still putting my mind around all that has happened and allowing the many, many emotions (or perhaps none at all) I feel daily to draw me closer to my savior. I recently stumbled over one of my favorite verses that has always made my heart happy because I can relate to it despite all of the craziness. It is Philippians 3:12-14. My favorite version is the message version which says " I'm not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my wa...

There are some things that I will never ever understand. Particularly in my life right now things such as: 1. Why are some great, fabulous, wonderful and dare I say 'perfect' things placed into your life only to be moved away.. Or why do they have to leave? 2. Why do people not always mean what they say and if they do mean it why do humans second, third and fourth guess it? 3. Why does being vulnerable scare the absolute living day lights out of me? I will probably never be able to come up with answers for questions like these. I will never know why the sky is blue either except the fact that, that is how my Daddy made it.  The being vulnerable part is probably my biggest "problem" And somewhat sums up question 1 & 2. It scares me because of the things that have been placed before me in my past. My story with my real biological father, previous step father, any boy that I've let into my heart, even friendships that have just hurt, being bullied... All of it ha...

I have been home for four days now and I can say for certain I am still in huge reverse culture shock. Both physically and mentally. Although I do have more hope for my body to recover much faster than my mind. It is so weird to feel this way. I almost cannot bear it. I am so very happy to be home don't get me wrong. I love seeing my family and my work family. I truly enjoy story time of the things God did through me while I was there and hugs from my mommy. There is something missing though. The longing is so real. It is like a constant state of longing for my future. A longing to embrace children who have never been loved. A longing to bring hope to a family who has none. A longing to be a missionary every single day for the rest of my life. This longing and desire that is so evident in my heart just pushes me I suppose. It pushes me to look at my school as my mission field for the last year I am so privileged to spend there. It pushes me to do every single thing I do to the glo...

7.20.13 Today was a good day. It was the day that we have been waiting on for months. But, more importantly it is the day that has been in the making for years. God has been preparing this since the beginning. This morning I got the change to go to Carlos Miranda stadium in Comayagua and pray over it with a team made of about 8 other people from the US. We were able to saturate it in prayer and the Holy Spirit really really showed up. It was great. Crying out on behalf of others lives is something that always takes me back. It humbles me. I know that one day someone did that for me so to be able to do it for thousands of others is crazy. We came back to the hotel for breakfast and team time and wow. Team time. We did the "Hot seat" game where people say great things about you while you sit in the middle of the circle then at the end they all pray over you. It was actually quite fun. Hearing what others think of you. One of the things people said about me is that I resemble...

It's kind of hard.  It's  Thursday night  and words will never be able to describe what I have experienced so far. God has shown me so many great things, wrecked my heart again, used me like never before and has just blown me away. I am so excited about what God is doing in Honduras. He is shaking a nation one child at a time. I am in awe. He is so so good.  Today I had a few opportunities to lead some classrooms to Jesus. What...  That was a new experience. Yes, I've told people about Jesus. But, honestly I can say I've never really lead anyone to him. Leading a classroom of over 60 children to Jesus was something I could never have imagined. It definitely taught me to rely on the Holy Spirit in a new way. Placing every breath and words in His hands to bring glory to His name is intense. I can say I had so much fun though. Allowing Him to work through me is the best thing ever. So today was great. The first classroom we went to I shared Emcee responsibili...

For some reason this didn't post July 12th when I had intended. Wifi isn't the strongest here ;) so bear with me. "Peace be with you! As the Father has sent me, I am sending you."  John 20:21 I am currently on a bus to Detroit to catch a flight and begin my journey to Honduras. We will be in Miami first for 2 days then we catch the presidents plane to Honduras. To say I am excited would not do these emotions any justice. I think I am more excited for this than I ever have been in my life.... for anything. Serving Jesus is what I love to do. His people, His nations.. It's what I was born to do. What gets me is that here I am, a 16 (17 in 2 days) year old that has done nothing what so ever to deserve such privileges except choose to follow Jesus and I am incredibly blessed. This will be the 3rd country I have traveled to and surely won't be the last.  Jesus says that I am a treasure, that I am loved, desired, worthy and so much more. Many days I have ...

For this is the day The Lord has made and we will rejoice and be GLAD in it.  Today was phenomenal. I don't have words to describe God's goodness. His mercies. His faithfulness. None of it. Today we traveled to two schools in Comayagua. One high school and one elementary school. I had the opportunity to share my testimony in these places. In the high school, after we were all done I had the opportunity to braid a few girls hair and just talk. We talked about family, our favorite things to do and even typical teenage girl things like boys. 😏  I had a great time. We went to lunch at a plaza and did some street ministry, inviting everyone to La Nueva Honduras. My team felt pulled to an old woman sitting on a bench. She told us that she could not walk without pain and that she faints sometimes when she walks too much. The Holy Spirit was THICK. We prayed over her many times and asked her to set her cane aside to walk in faith. She did. She did without pain. She won't eve...